Ladies, be honest: when
your sèx life becomes a little humdrum, out comes the mental catalogue
of all the ways your partner isn’t quite measuring up. Guys tend to get a
bad rap when it comes to understanding women’s bodies and what turns
them on, making them easy targets in the blame game when sèxual
satisfaction starts to wane. And sure, they make their fair share of
bedroom errors. But as the saying goes, it takes two to tango. As it
turns out, top sèx and relationship experts say that women make plenty
of sèx mistakes of their own.
Sèx Mistake #1: Not initiating sèx with your partner
Many women worry about ladylike behavior. They don’t want to appear
pushy or come on too strong for fear of being labeled aggressive.
According to sèxperts, failing to initiate sèx is one of the biggest
mistakes women make.
Most guys feel like they are always the initiator and that sets up
disequilibrium on the passion scale in the relationship. Generally, men
want to be pursued by their partners just as much as women do.
Holding onto outdated ideas about sèx roles also inhibits
satisfaction with our sèxual relationships. One of such outdated ideas
is that women are less interested in sèxual activity. In actual fact,
there are women who are as interested in sèx as men. Indeed, some women
are more interested in sèx than men.
Show your interest by taking the first step from time to time. Your
partner will likely appreciate it, and you may find a new level of
satisfaction in taking responsibility for your sèxual experience.
Sèx Mistake #2: Worrying about what you look like
Thinking about how you look during sèx stops you from enjoying yourself
and ruins your chances of achieving an orgasm.
Don’t think about the fat on your belly or the makeup on your face.
Concentrate on the pleasure of the act. You must give yourself
permission to have an orgasm.
Men want their wives to abandon themselves in sèx play, and that’s
not likely if a woman is anxious about her physical concerns. The truth
of the matter, actually, is that men don’t notice half the things women
obsess about!
It’s amazing what men don’t notice if you’re enthusiastic, energetic,
interested in them, and flexible minded.
According to sèxperts, there is an evolutionary explanation for the
selective blindness men show to women’s physical flaws. For Darwinian
reasons, men are (unconsciously, of course) looking for women who are
able to bear healthy babies. Starting millions of years ago, men who
attracted fertile women and had a lot of children lived on. Those who
could not died out. Although maybe not as necessary today, primal
survival mechanism lives on.
Men are much more attracted to women who show signs of health and
youth and fertility. Rather than worry about the shape of your waist and
hips, worry about your energy level and enthusiasm and interest in him.
Sèx Mistake #3: Assuming sèx is casual for men
Sèxperts believe we should all let go of oldfashioned notions, such
as women are not sèxual or that sèx is just sèx to men. For some men,
sèx is a very important act.
Research supports the idea that both men and women find sèxual
intimacy in the context of a committed relationship to be more
satisfying.
Numerous research studies make it very clear that the people who
have the best quality and most frequent sèx are married couples. That
says a lot about the inadequacies of ‘casual sèx.’
In a study of university students engaging in one-night stands, the
numbers show that men are just as serious about sèx and relationships as
women. In fact, more than 50% of women and 52% of men who went into a
one-night stand, according to the researchers, reported that they did so
hoping to create a longer relationship. Onethird of them actually did
so. What’s the lesson? Never assume that a man is not romantic.
According to sèxperts, “Two huge mistakes that are commonly made are
that women are not sèxual and that men are not as romantic [as women].”
Sèx Mistake #4: Believing he’s always up for sèx
Sure, most teenage boys are ready and willing to have sèx just about
any time you ask, but that’s not true for men. The pressures of
everyday life — family, work, bills — can zap a man’s libido. This comes
as a big surprise to many women, and often, men’s lack of interest in
sèx is something women take personally.
“It comes as such a shock [to women] that they just don’t believe
it,” a sèxpert says about the reaction many women have when their
partner says they aren’t in the mood for sèx. “They know themselves that
they are not always interested in sèx but they still love the man. But
when they discover he doesn’t want to have sèx, they think, ‘he doesn’t
love me.’ Ladies, that’s not true. He just doesn’t want to have sèx.”
Sèx Mistake #5: Not giving him guidance
Talking very directly about sèx, what we like and don’t like can
make us feel uncomfortable, even with a partner we’ve been with for a
long time and otherwise feel close to. But it’s the only way to achieve a
satisfying sèxual relationship.
A woman must take responsibility for her sèxual encounter. No man
can bring a woman to orgasm if she doesn’t take responsibility for her
sèxual experience. Even the best lover can’t know what a woman needs if
she does not let him know.
The good news is that men very much want to please women. If women
can tell them in a way that doesn’t kill their ego, they will appreciate
it. Sèxperts advise women to sandwich what they don’t like in between
five things they do, because he’s listening. “You may not find out until
the next time you’re in bed with him. But men do listen, particularly
if you’re quite clear about it.”
Sèx Mistake #6: Getting upset when he suggests something new
After a couple has been together for a while, it’s natural to want
to spice things up with a little variety. Just because your man wants to
try something new doesn’t mean he’s unhappy with you or your sèx life.
In short: Don’t take it personally.
Still, it’s important that you tune into your comfort zone. Nobody
should ever feel pressured to do something they don’t want to do in the
personal and intimate area of sèxuality. According to a sèxpert, “If
your man asks you about trying something that’s outside of your morals,
make it clear that it’s off limits for you and explain why. Of course,
do this in a loving way as best you can. If it is something that is not
really a moral issue for you but you still don’t want to, again explain
why. If it is simply a startling request and you’re initially uneasy
about it, try not to overreact. Instead, let him know you need some time
to think about it.”
